Bubblegum

She falls in love with Devin the moment she first sees him, because of the shape of his teeth. The way his canines hang somewhat further under his lip than most people’s, how their excessive width forces him to smile, how they look like little inverted mountains hiding in his mouth. The jagged gloss of his molars. The perfect straightness of his upper front teeth framed against the chipped unevenness of his bottoms. There are other things about him she likes. But she knows, without having to think about it. The feeling, a deep, bodily certainty, that she loves him, for this. She can tell he is unaware of how appealing his teeth, and his whole mouth, are. 

He smiles and orders his coffee, his tongue pressed up into his canine. He tells her she has a nice name. Milana. She’s placed a red star sticker beside the M. She can tell he means it, unlike other guys who say the same thing, but are just trying to charm her. She feels the honesty in his innocent voice. He likes her name. She tells him she likes his name. He looks at her with incredulity. Her eyebrows convince him. The debit card is in his hand. His name three feet below her face, raised and gleaming off the card. I miss things when they’re right in front of me sometimes, he says. I really like your dimples. They’re like little holes. She blushes. She says thank you. She watches his tongue search inside his lip for something. Some leftover morsel, victim of partial consumption, left in limbo. She imagines. She wonders about that morsel. What it must feel, trapped in there. Not subject to the pit of acid below, just yet. She envies that little morsel with every ounce of jealousy she’s able to conjure up. She doesn’t act fast enough to prevent the line of saliva from drooling out of her mouth. 

People tell her she eats like a bird. Some birds eat animals twice their size. That’s not what they mean. The veins on her arms and legs are visible, especially when light hits right. Her clavicles jut out like lengths of beach rock, two segments of a sea wall made for breaking waves. She has always liked them. The bones of her chest have always been visible. She faces the mirror, looks at herself admiringly. She has always loved her body. She touches herself. She imagines his teeth.   

She sends Devin pictures of herself. Clothed at first. He sends her emojis with hearts in the eyes. She imagines the hearts like real organs, beating and pumping blood into excavated eye sockets. He sends her a picture of his face. You have remarkable lips. He tells her she’s making him blush. Show me your teeth when you smile. He complies. She sends squirt emojis in triple-barrel bursts. She shows him her naked body. You look so little. I could eat you up. She fights a deep urge, churning inside, to tell him things.

She attends her cousin Taisy’s wedding to Ping Pong Player Paul. They don’t have a vegan option, even though she arranged it in advance. People apologize. Sorry for the mix up. She smiles and says it’s okay. She got her eyebrows done. She wears her black dress. She plays with her hair. She watches the cousins beside her devour course after course. She did not want to subject a date to her family. She did not want to be alone. She takes pictures in a circle, all around her. The music is loud and the ceiling is high. Pictures, ravenous faces. They could be relatives or they could be pigs at the trough. She feels nothing for these disembodied mouths. She thinks only of Devin. She texts him pictures of the feast. He sends question marks in response. She tells him she wants him.

They see a documentary about great white sharks on their date. She is nervous in a way she has never been before. She holds this feeling in her stomach, this feeling that she’s had a crush on him for years. This feeling that she’s loved him for years. Loved him since she was born. She doesn’t tell him this when she meets him in the lobby of the small revue theatre. Both of them are clearly surprised at each other and themselves at how they kiss when they greet. Devin has previously admitted to how paralyzingly shy he is, that it’s hard for him to ever make the first move. She too is the first person to admit that she is usually very shy and never attempts to hit on people or make any kind of moves. When they see each other in the lobby they practically run to one another. They can’t wait. She must be in his arms. He must hold her. Their teeth clatter together. She feels the impact, like cars colliding, metal breaking against metal. He feels her mouth inside his, like she is trying to put her whole body inside. His teeth are like the bars of a mouse trap containing her lips. She wishes for compression. She dreams of annihilation at his hands. He squeezes her very tightly, with more force than he would ever imagine holding someone. Let alone someone so slight as she. She moans as he squeezes tighter. He holds the popcorn in his lap. She leans into him, her leg draped over his. She can tell he is shy, despite his earlier moments, discomfited by her forwardness, but he doesn’t stop her. She feeds him popcorn, one piece at a time, and sucks on his neck. They watch the slow-motion spectacle of a giant white shark, eating-machine, breaching the water, its ghostly painted belly and grey body framed by the glittering rush of sun-soaked water that chases it to the sky. A broken, doomed seal, impaled in its teeth. She imagines the seal in other animals. She pictures a perfect final moment for the seal, a deliverance, where terror becomes intense love. If it could only be so lucky. She sticks popcorn further into his mouth. More, have more. He chews what she gives him. No one eats popcorn so daintily, she says. So little at a time. He shoves a fistful into his mouth and she writhes. She follows suit. He has trouble knowing what to do with her fist in his mouth. He doesn’t move. Don’t be scared, she says. You can bite. 

She stands in front of the espresso machine, after close, pretending to clean it. She can’t think about anything but him. She alternates on her phone between pictures of him and videos of crocodiles devouring wildebeests. Hot water spews all over the counter as the machine attempts to clean itself. He sends her a picture of him eating half a hamburger in one bite. She has bitten a hole in her lip.  

Milana spends the afternoon with Taisy and Ping Pong Player Paul. Milana and Taisy play the piano together and Paul bounces a basketball in the house. Milana and Taisy kick and laugh. They slam down on the keys. I’m high note, you’re low note. Paul puts out snacks. Cheese and bread. Slices of cured meat. Yogurt-based dips. Who wants a drink? You know she doesn’t eat half that stuff, can you find a hummus in there? It’s okay, I’ll just have some bread. Milana asks if she can invite a friend. Taisy and Paul look at each other. Sure? He’s nice, you’ll see.  

I want to hold your heart in my hand. I want to watch it pump, covering my hand in blood. 

She watches video after video of competitive eaters. YouTube is littered with them. Eating champions with millions of subscribers. Hot dog competitions. Jaw-shattering food challenges. She looks at Devin’s pictures on her phone, and touches herself, while the videos play in the background. 

I really am a vanilla guy. You’ll see. I don’t have a freaky side. Sometimes I wish I did but I’m just not like that. I don’t know if I’d know how to be. It’s okay though. Vanilla can still be fun. It is a good ice cream flavor, I don’t care what anyone says. It gets an unfair reputation. Pass me the spoon. 

The first time they have sex, she bleeds all over him. She is embarrassed, she says she doesn’t understand it, she had her period only two weeks ago. He assures her he doesn’t care, first with his words, then by licking the blood off her body. He licks her head to toe. At first she is self-conscious, shaking and nervous. But his tongue feels good on her skin. She looks down at him, watches the blood disappear into his mouth, erased from her skin like rain water swiped off glass by a windshield wiper. The more he licks her, the less he seems to be a human subject. She feels an animal’s tongue on her. These are not acts of a shy man. Devour me. Drink me. He does so without having to be told. 

They go on a date to The Hungry Corner Buffet. She holds his arm the entire time he loads his plate. However much he takes, she looks up adoringly, her beady eyes gleaming as they meet his. More, she says. Just a little more. He happily complies. By the time they sit down, he needs three plates to carry everything. Pieces of fried chicken fall off and hit the grime-covered tile. Families eat, smiling, laughing, oblivious to the world. There is no such thing as hunger in this place. She picks at green beans, and watches him. She instructs him in his biting technique. She tells him, go slowly. He chews as if his jaw is made of taffy. After a third of the meat, pasta, potatoes, and salad are devoured, she tells him, go faster. She watches the bones in his cheeks. He does not take his eyes off hers. She breathes heavily. Almost hyperventilating. She does not take her eyes off him. He goes back for seconds, even though he’s getting full. He knows she will be so happy. All he wants is to make her happy. She watches with even more intensity. Every bite he takes, she moans through it. By the end of the meal, he is ready to keel over. A bear, preparing for hibernation. She rubs his stomach. She licks food out of his teeth. Hey are you sure? There’s meat in there. She sits on his lap. Her hand reaches down. She sticks her tongue in his mouth and leaves it there, waiting for his row of teeth to descend and sever her organ from her mouth, swallow her. His cock is hard in her hands. The manager comes over and tells them to leave.  

Every time they have sex, she bleeds. She can’t explain it. But neither of them are bothered. They see it as a sign. He drinks her blood, every last drop, without fail. His insides painted red with her. They fuck constantly. They can’t stop. Like rabbits when they see each other. They do it in a public bathroom. Blood stains the floor. She stands on the toilet and watches him lick the blood from the filth-covered tile. She doesn’t try to stop him. She doesn’t want to stop him. She’d be hurt if he didn’t do it. But she knows that isn’t something she’ll ever have to worry about. She knows he will always drink her, every drop, no matter what. Risen from the floor, soaked in the combination of her blood, his sweat, the bathroom’s ambient filth, he tells her he loves her. Their lips are locked as if never to separate again. They make out for what feels like years. They are in another universe. A place where no one else exists, where laws of physics and rules of ethics don’t apply. They are both transferred. Transformed. They exist inside each other. She tells him she has always loved him. You mean when you met me? No. I mean always. Since before we met. Since before we were born. I was born to love you. A security guard bangs on the door.  

He’s nervous that she’s signed him up for the contest. All these people have experience, I don’t. I’m going to get demolished. No. You won’t. I know you won’t. No one eats like you. He stares at the continent of Rice Krispy squares splayed out on the table. Enough to feed a small country. He sits at the very end, unable to see most of his nine opponents to his left. He is introduced as Devin the Noob. The crowd laughs and cheers. The gun is fired into the air. He doesn’t have the speed that the others do. They all have a patented technique of forcing the sweet blocks into their throats. But his jaw works more efficiently than theirs. He can take more down in one bite than they can. He knows in this moment that he shouldn’t have doubted her. That she saw something in him. Even though it looks like he is eating the slowest, he takes down more pieces, faster. His opponents look over. Unscripted twists of the neck. Looks of despair. They are trying to catch up. Devin doesn’t stop. He scans the audience, catches Milana, the look of ecstasy in her eyes. He scans for her hands. He can’t see them. Twenty minutes later, he lifts the trophy.  

When he eats her, he does so like her body would disappear if he didn’t stick his tongue all the way inside. Like there is a siren calling from inside her inner tubing. When he licks her ass, she can tell that he is trying to taste her insides. She tells him to fuck her with his long tongue. He imagines his tongue stretching to an unlimited length, traveling through her digestive system, and coiling around her tongue. She feels his need to be inside her body. Inside her systems. She repeats herself, a skipping, unfixable record. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.  

I want you to reach inside me with your whole arm and grab my heart. Rip it out of me, and eat it while I watch. 

I will do that for you. He doesn’t flinch. She loves that he doesn’t flinch. I’ll eat you in pieces with a fork and knife until there’s nothing left. 

Devin and Milana invite Taisy and Paul over for dinner, their first dinner guests they’ve had since moving in together. Devin and Milana pretend to act like normal people. They sit out on the balcony and have drinks together. Paul talks about ping pong and tennis, and then changes the subject to badminton. Taisy reminds him to take his medicine. Devin and Milana are never not touching. Their hands are always clasped together. They are always pressed against each other. Taisy mentions how they have an astonishing amount of photos together, framed around the apartment. Many of the photos depict them kissing, embracing, him squeezing her with a what looks like painful force. Taisy asks, with the tone of a forced joke, if he really squeezes her that hard normally. Of course he does. I tell him I want him to break my ribs but he still doesn’t listen. Taisy sips her drink, looking off the balcony. She looks at photos. She fixates on one, of them kissing. His tooth digging into her lip. There is blood clearly visible in the photo. For dinner they have prepared a feast of Mediterranean food. Skewers of chicken. Lamb. Fish. Shrimp. Pita. Hummus. Labneh. Salads. Feta. Rice. Lentils. You can’t eat most of this stuff, Taisy says. Paul is already picking. I’ll be fine. Milana stares at Devin as they all dig in. 

Milana buys all the bubblegum at the corner store for Devin. She makes him chew three pieces at a time, all day long. He blows giant bubbles the size of his face. The garbage under the sink overflows with chewed gum. He tells her his jaw hurts, and that he has to take a break. She reminds him that he should be training his jaw, for the practice of chewing through flesh. The movements of his jaw slow down. He goes to the bathroom and looks at himself as he chews. He imagines other material. Other animals. She comes in, behind him. She wraps her arm around his chest, and puts her head on his shoulder. 

Milana goes to see her doctor to ask for advice. She books the appointment as a checkup. She’s always liked her doctor, felt in good hands with her. Calls her Lynn, not doctor Robson like everyone else. She imagines she’s the only one with first name privileges. Lynn gives her the usual check-up. She tells Milana that she is a picture of health. Though she looks quite thin and is a little underweight for her height, she’s not too concerned. Everything else appears normal. She asks Milana if there’s anything she’d like to ask her before she gives her a yellow lollipop and sends her on her way. Milana does have a question. She wants her boyfriend to be able to fist her so that he can get his hand as close to her heart as possible. She’s not sure if it would make more sense to attempt via her ass or her vagina. Lynn stares at Milana. She says she wants to feel his fist wrap around her heart. The doctor blinks before giving her advice. 

Devin qualifies for the national championship. He has quit his job, as the living he’s making from eating is enough to live off of. If he wins the national championship, he’ll receive a check for 100,000 dollars and likely earn sponsorship deals. He’s interviewed before the event, asked how he’d feel if he won, about the money and the deals and the glory. He’s asked how someone with so little experience in professional eating rose through the ranks so quickly. He shrugs his shoulders. I did it all for my love. I eat for her. Every bite is for her. 

At home, they roll around on the bed, with the cheque underneath them, pretending that it was all in cash. The new trophy gleams in the moonlight on the dresser. What should we spend the money on? Milana stares into his eyes. I want to cover the house in pictures of your teeth. Well, that’s not a tall order. With me in them. Slivers of me. In your teeth.

Milana walks into the Japanese knife shop. The owner is a bald man that looks like he’d be more likely to own a fishing goods store. A droopy basset hound sleeps on the floor. Are these the best quality knives in the city? I’ve heard they are. Not the city. The world. The world. The dog looks up at her, like he may parrot his owner and also say The world. What are you looking for? We are planning a big world-wide trip. Going to eat all over the world. He nods, curious. Then, once we’re back… she trails off. This may sound like a weird question, but which animal’s flesh butchers most similarly to a human’s? He stares at her. Um, well. I don’t exactly know. Maybe a pig? They say the pig is closest, anatomically, to the human. She thinks. Okay. Which of these knives are best for butchering a pig?

I want to you take your time. I want you to start with one toe. The little one. Take it off me clean. You can cook it or eat it raw. It’s up to you. My body is yours. You decide how you want to enjoy me. I want to watch you chew me. Chew my flesh off the bone. I want to hear the crunch when your teeth break my bones to pieces. If anyone in the world has teeth that can do it, it’s you. Once all my toes and fingers are done, you can move on to the bigger pieces.

They sit down at the table they’d reserved six weeks ago. Northern Spain is scorching hot. They are covered in sweat. They’ve been travelling for weeks, and every time they sit down to eat, they are as exhilarated as the last time, if not more so. They go through the same old spiel with the server. He’s the only one doing the full tasting, but they are happy to pay for two. Give it all to him. She’ll nibble on a few things. But he’ll eat almost two full tasting menus. Some places have refused. Most play along. This legendary Basque BBQ restaurant lets them do what they want. She oozes sweat, watching him. They stare into each other’s eyes. She touches herself and mouths I love you to him with every fluctuation of his jaw. I don’t want to wait. Wait for what? Wait for us to get back home. I want you to do it now. Tonight. Devin looks around. But we don’t have the knives with us. We can buy one. There’s no open knife shops now. Let’s ask the chef. He’s probably got serious blades. We’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse. Devin pulls her close, kisses her. She tastes the food in his mouth. He bites her tongue hard, feels her blood drip down his throat. Every moan, every sound she’s ever made, from him drawing her blood, has been from a place more authentic than the last. She has always loved him. 

They arrive late to the baby shower. She wears her favourite dress, the one he got her for her birthday the first year they were together. It will always be her favorite. The bandages around her right arm and left calf are applied tightly. She wears closed toed shoes, so as not to show anyone. He stares at her. He is taken by her glow. Every day, she radiates something more strongly than the day before. They have talked about it. The glow. They can’t quite come up with the words, but she, ironically, calls it a feeling of wholeness. They both understand what she means, despite this word feeling antithetical to their reality. She takes her pain killers. She kisses him deeply. Paul rubs Taisy’s pregnant stomach. Gifts are opened. Everything is in white. Milana makes a gesture at Taisy for Devin to see. He understands. He stares at her pregnant stomach. I think I’d like it to be a couple years old first. More nutrients, you know? They both laugh. People ask what they’re laughing at. Oh nothing. What happened to your arm? And your leg? Oh, I was in an accident, it’s really no big deal. I’ll be just fine. Little snacks and canapés are served throughout the event. Paul and Taisy went all out. People joke at Devin not to eat it all. He controls himself. Says he’s saving his appetite for later. We have a big dinner planned. Paul kisses Taisy’s stomach. Devin kisses Milana’s shoulder in much the same way. He kisses her ribs. She touches the spot. He looks at her face. He sees the wholeness. The completeness. Soon, she says. Soon. She takes his hand, and places his fingers around her rib. He can feel the rib as if it were removed from her. It feels whole in his hand. Soon, she says. Soon.     

Derek Fisher is a writer from Toronto. He is the author of Container (With an X Books, 2024), and Night Life (Posthuman Magazine, 2023). He has work published in Maudlin House, X-R-A-Y, Wigleaf, The Harvard Advocate, Fugitives & Futurists, Heavy Feather Review, Tragickal, BULL, Atlas & Alice, and more. To see more of his writing, visit derekafisher.com.