Red, White & Blue

I sucked my landlord’s dick

over text today so she wouldn’t

raise the rent

“My grandmother grew up in the neighborhood”

and “You take such good care of the property”

she asks, will you be my eyes in the building?

OK, Big Sister!

not very socialist of me

sort of like my Bratz doll tee

ripped off the shoulders of some chubby preteen

and donated to a thrift store named after

the colors of the American flag

in the checkout line I salute

Spring

Like if I were assaulted in that bathroom

would I be acting so chill right now

killing it with the jokes and charm:

this is so not the disposition of someone bent

to the cruelty of their mornings

A few minutes on my knees I can forget

(the rude bartender doesn’t know anyone who sells Xanax)

then I guess I’ll remember but no way

will I develop a point of view

cause what good is calling something something

a label from a dialogue to collect poor-you looks

like dead skin—other people’s ugliness

is not a currency I’m willing to trade on

Leave it for the smarties to arbitrate

what motherfuckers do in bathroom stalls

now it’s whiskey to steady myself

ahead of the next trip to my knees

hoping this time ends better than the last.

That Song by Peggy Lee

I was sitting on the couch at 6am thinking about which songs to play at my funeral when the ghost of chavela vargas held my hand / the same night I took a cutting knife and made a mark under my eye / I looked for the full moon but couldn't find it / so I walked up and down the block / another night I checked the basement for ghosts with the same knife / I need a book deal before my friends send me to rehab / that song by peggy lee, you know / ba da da da da / everyone puts on techno at the afters / circular music that sounds like being trapped / it doesn’t go anywhere.

Jacob Seferian is a writer whose work has appeared in several magazines. He lives in New York City.